As part of my journey towards achieving a higher state of consciousness, I’ve discovered the ironic joys of studying numerology. I call it an ironic joy, because one of my biggest “gremlins” growing up was math, so numbers have always been a sore point for me. But after listening to a lecture today about soul urge numbers and life path numbers, I was motivated to look at things a little differently.
My life path number is 1, which means that I’m a born leader. Taking on leadership roles was something I always shied away from in the past, because I didn’t think I was responsible or organized enough. But what I missed was that part of good leadership is not only motivating and inspiring others, it’s also delegating tasks. My mom astutely observed that I “needed a personal assistant,” and she’s right. The part that always hinders my progres to that end is money, as per usual. I know I have blocked the flow of money energy somehow, and I’ve been trying to use every available resource I can think of to acquire it, to no avail. But that won’t stop me. I keep picking myself up every time I’ve had a setback and getting right back on the horse, chasing after those dreams. It’s what keeps me going. That, and the relentless creative drive I have awakened within the last four years. It all sounds jolly marvelous, doesn’t it? But how can I pay the bills with it? That’s the trouble- I can’t.
But I am determined to make a solid living out of creating, inspiring, telling stories, reaching out to others (it aligns with my soul urge number, 6, which entails a great love of family, friends and the community at large), and bringing more love and beauty into this world. One way, or another, I will do it. If Martin Luther King Jr., who shared the same life path number as me, could do it, maybe I can too, in my own unique way. Hey, I can be a leader AND hold down a day job too, can’t I?
Speaking of community, I received a tremendous boost this week from the wonderful group of survivors that I belong to. Thank you to Rachel Thompson, BadRedheadMedia, Monday blogs, and to all of you who shared, retweeted and re-posted my blog post, ‘Troublemaker: A Survivor’s Story.’ A big shout-out and much love to all of those kind souls who’ve supported me, either quietly or loudly, as I’ve found the courage to publicly “out” myself as a sexual, ritual abuse survivor. I really do believe that it takes a community to heal from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse (and ritual abuse), and to prevent it, so thank you all for spreading the message.
In an effort to stop those little ‘voices’ of self-doubt and negativity from working their ‘magic’ on me, I have tried to take on a new creative project every day, or over the course of several days, depending on how involved the process is, to keep me occupied. To that end, I reclaimed a cabinet from the dumpster, and I’ve cleaned it up and am redecorating it as we speak. Here’s a few shots taken in progress:
I’ve also been finishing up a painting that I started a few weeks ago. Here’s a closeup view.
So onwards and upwards I go, figuring it all out as I go along. Aren’t we all, in truth?