These are just a few observations I’ve made, from years of ups and downs in life. Two failed marriages and several relationships have taught me something about life and love. That’s why I’m unabashedly single, at the age of 41, because I won’t settle for anything less than big love anymore. I won’t claim to be an expert; I’ve just lived a little…or a lot, depending on your point of view. So here’s my open love letter to all the men out there, by way of advice:
Trying to make a woman jealous to get her attention is like trying to use a chocolate teapot. You fill her with hot water, and she lets off steam and melts, but the minute she cools down, her tough outer shell hardens up again. Keep trying, and she either builds up an impenetrable shell, or she disappears altogether.
Fill her with the milk and honey of love and kindness instead, and she’ll chip away at those walls and let you in, bit by bit. Little actions go a long way.
Be a clear, concise road map. DON’T give her fuzzy signals!
Don’t project your insecurity, mistrust, or anger towards your mother/sister/ex-wife/ex-girlfriend/one-sided crush onto her. Clean up those skeletons in your closet before letting someone else have the grand tour of your house!
If you don’t know what you’re feeling, don’t clam up and expect her to read your mind, or make her pull teeth to drag it out of you. Even the most independent women long for intimacy and connection as much as you do, so if something’s bothering you, open up and ASK her to help you. She’ll probably be more than happy to talk it out, and the bonus is you’ll both feel closer.
Don’t take it personally if she’s more talented, clever or successful than you. If she’s chosen you, understand that it’s because she sees your value, and that you bring something to the table that no one else has. You’d better damn well see it for yourself too! She shouldn’t have to undervalue herself just to build up your ego.
Don’t get involved with someone, on any level, if you’re still involved with someone else!
If you’re not interested in her mind, heart and soul, don’t pretend like you’re interested in anything more than what’s below the waist. It’ll save us all a LOT of time!
If she says she wants to be a wife and/or mother, and you don’t want a wife and/or child, take her at her word, and leave early.
If she asks you to tell her she’s beautiful, do it. If you think she may be fishing for a compliment, she is. Understand she’s not doing it to manipulate you- it’s because she’s not feeling so good about herself at that moment. Don’t lie, just speak to her with an open heart. It may mean nothing to you, but to her, it’s everything.
Always compliment her, if you mean it.
Always tell her you love her, if you feel it.
Open that heart and keep it open. I know you’re scared, fragile, or think you can’t do it. Life’s too short to risk losing a good thing with a good woman. Life’s meant to be lived, and shared with the ones you love. Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Don’t play games with her. Period.
Don’t treat her like she’s the last thing on your mind. Otherwise, she’ll treat you like one of many options, or not one at all.
Don’t say “we’re not exclusive,” then get jealous if she dates other guys.
Be a man of integrity. Let your actions speak louder than your words. But remember: words matter too. Communication is key.
Don’t make her pay for someone else’s mistakes.
Romance is always a good idea. It doesn’t have to cost a thing. Being thoughtful, smart and creative are sexier qualities to a woman than expensive gifts or fancy dinners. Save that stuff for big anniversaries and/or birthdays, if you can afford it.
Never withhold affection, emotion or sex from her, EVER! It won’t work and it’ll create an atmosphere of mistrust and resentment.
Testing is best left in the classroom, not the bedroom. If you want to know if she’s loyal and trustworthy, just observe her behavior and ask questions. Lots of them. Most women love to share. If they don’t, that’s your first clue right there.
Money isn’t usually the most important thing to her, unless she’s in real trouble. Knowing where she stands, and what she means to you is.
That’s about it, though I’m sure I could say more. I usually can.