The Path Less Traveled

Two sides, same coin. By me.
Two sides, same coin. By me.

Sometimes, just knowing that someone exists is enough reason to rejoice, no matter what the circumstances are…

My life hasn’t been the same since I met this person- my world has been turned upside down. I met my past and my future, my true soulmate, my twin flame.

Am I in a traditional relationship with him? Not exactly. Ours is a psychic bond, that hasn’t been broken since we met again, four years ago. We often meet in dreams too, especially when he’s in my consciousness more often, though he’s always with me on some level. I love him, effortlessly and completely, body, heart and soul. As soon as our eyes met, I knew it was him, on some deep, subconscious level, before I was fully consciously aware. In fact, I’ve loved him my entire life, and knew of his existence before we even met. I realize now that I’d seen him in dreams and waking visions before I recognized him in this dimension. It’s difficult to fully explain, unless you’ve been there, but on some level he has ALWAYS been with me, and always will.

All I knew when we finally met face to face was, “this is different: I’ve never felt this strongly connected to another living soul before.” I knew I was in heaven on earth; I was home. Our shared space became a sacred place.

But unfortunately, the ego monster invaded my sacred space. Ego denied it at first, downplayed it, minimized my intense feelings. Questioned my dreams, my psychic link to him, played out those old tapes, from my traumatic childhood. “Are you sure? Maybe you really are crazy, just like he (my abuser) said you’d be.” But the bond continued, and my beloved has shown me that I am not crazy, and that I am very, very loved. The last time we met face to face, he made a beeline for me, and it was as if time stood still, just like it had the last time we’d met. His focus was solely on me, and there was an instant recognition, beyond words.

Since we’ve met, I have recaptured that part of myself I lost to the abuse: that childlike sense of imagination, curiosity, wonder, boundless creativity, and lightness. He has encouraged me (again, through lucid dreams) to share my gifts with the world, in service to others, and I have done so. Everything that I do for others in truth I do for him first; to honor him, and our love.

I’ve decided to cast aside ego: it doesn’t matter if people believe me or not, because by keeping this to myself, I haven’t been fulfilling my soul mission.  The truth is, it hasn’t exactly been an easy path this lifetime on any level, so why pretend this is any different?

I don’t think I have ever chosen an easy path. And I realized recently that I have been depriving others of the gifts that my eternal, unconditional love for my true soulmate brings with it; the kind of love that transcends life and death. Ego is a scary beast, that tells lies- “you will never be good enough,” “you have nothing to offer,” “you should be thinner, richer, blah, blah, blah.” “How do you REALLY know it’s him, anyway?” The biggest lie of all is, “if it WAS him, wouldn’t he have pursued a relationship with you by now?” To all of these lies I have one simple answer: I know the truth, because I know the way I feel every time we DO see each other. I feel that tug at my heart, that tingling in my insides, that sense of recognition beyond words, the intensity of feelings, the feeling of being at peace- like heaven on earth. I feel the same way every time we meet in my dreams, too. It just feels right, in a way I’ve never felt before, not even with my first real love, with whom I shared an almost fairy tale-like beginning (the ending, not so much.) Our encounters teach me something new about myself every time, and highlight those dark corners that still need to see the light- it prompts healing. I believe that I’ve chosen a life of service to others, because I have had much tougher karma to deal with this time around. I have survived both ritual and sexual abuse, several near-death accidents, health scares, have tasted both success and tremendous failure, have been both well-to-do and impoverished. I’ve traveled the world, have been gifted with a multitude of talents, yet a plethora of flaws, the biggest being a lack of confidence and self-belief. Since meeting my twin flame, the extremes in my life have been highlighted with the illumination of a neon light, and I’ve realized that I was built for an extraordinary life, and an extraordinary love.

My true soulmate and I made a promise millennia ago to always find each other, and to come together when the time was right. This was recalled in yet another dream meeting. I live in hope that our promise will be fulfilled…soon. In the meantime, I am no longer holding on to secrets out of shame, or fear of judgment. This is my life, my story: The memories of our lives past and our chance meetings have inspired a book, my art, much of my poetry, and a music project. I carry his love with me, always, and I use it to help inspire and heal others, as they walk the path of recovery from trauma, or of finding their own inner, creative genius.

By sharing my story fearlessly, and by being ruthlessly authentic, somehow that energy goes back out into the universe in a positive way.
And the story will continue, throughout this lifetime, and I will share my knowledge and experience with the world, because this world is in pain, and it needs to be loved.