Words can sting like acid
On an open wound,
But they can also heal
If you listen from your soul
Instead of your mind. – MΛΥΛ Garcia
Over the years, I’ve done a lot of reading and real life, experiential learning on the concept of soulmates. What is a soulmate, you ask? Contrary to popular belief, a soulmate is not only “the other half” of one’s soul. In fact, it’s not often a romantic partner at all. It is a companion, who agreed to travel with you along your life’s path, helping and teaching you along the way how to work through your issues, to get closer to your higher self. Sometimes those lessons are brutal, but they are always necessary, and they are ones you agreed to undertake before you were born.
In my experience, there are many different kinds of soulmates, but what many people think of immediately is actually your true soulmate, or twin flame, which often doesn’t show up in our lives at all, or if they do, it’s not usually early on, and it’s not in the conventional sense. This person doesn’t “complete” you, and they are not the other half of your soul: they are an exact vibrational match to you. They carry the same soul ‘spark’ as you do. I believe that when you are either in full alignment with your soul, OR have agreed to meet your twin flame to work out some issues before coming together, they will come into your life. In my case, meeting my (I believe) twin flame was a catalyst for both a creative and a spiritual awakening, but I don’t know if we will come together or not. He’s been more like a spirit guide on earth in this lifetime, encouraging me to work through areas of my life that need healing, and to fearlessly pursue my chosen path: a creative one. Meeting him, and the reconnection to spirit that has ensued since, has also encouraged me to find my soul purpose: to inspire others through my natural gift for storytelling, both written and visual.
Soulmates can play many different roles in our lives, including romantic partners, but the key markers for me in sensing I have met a soulmate are the following:
1. An instant connection, and feeling of familiarity, to the point of ‘déjà vu.’
2. A chemistry, or spark, whether it’s positive or negative energy (remember, the lessons each soulmate carries aren’t always ‘sweetness and light.’)
3. No matter how long the connection lasts, it always leaves a lasting mark. You can distinctly remember a “before and after” period.
4. Soulmates reach the deepest recesses of your heart, even if you have locked it down. That’s their job, to help you find areas of growth, and act as a mirror, reflecting back whatever you project. This is especially true with soul friends, who are there to act as guides and teachers.
5. Time is irrelevant and non-existent: you may be consciously aware that you’ve known someone for a brief time, but it doesn’t matter: you want to share things with a soulmate you’d never dream of sharing with anyone else, and it feels like you already have, at some point in the past.
6. There is a sense of knowing, comfort and understanding that goes beyond the conscious level: your souls are in sync. You know when you’re thinking of someone, and he/she calls you? This is a frequent occurrence with a soulmate. Somehow, you just pick up on each other’s energy more easily and naturally than with other kinds of relationships.
7. They tend to appear unexpectedly, and sometimes re-appear, often when you’ve evolved.
Bottom line, nobody really has all the answers, no matter what kind of inner spiritual work they’ve done- it’s all a matter of conjecture, and you can only go with what you’ve experienced. For as much as I think I’ve learned, people still surprise me. As an empath, I’m still fooled by man’s often duplicitous nature. Because I don’t deal well with masks, and am mostly a trusting soul, I still struggle to believe in what my intuition is telling me every single time, especially when it comes to dating and romantic partnerships. I want to see the best in people until proven wrong. It doesn’t help that I was basically conditioned to doubt my own intuition as a childhood survivor of sexual abuse, but thankfully I’m learning to trust in myself again, more and more, every day.
Although I am mostly a trusting, kindhearted soul, my heart is often guarded, and I’m quick to withdraw from being too vulnerable, especially when I pick up on someone’s hesitation, for whatever reason. I take it personally, as a sign of rejection, even if that’s not necessarily the case. Sometimes being intuitive makes me gun-shy. I can see layers of unexpressed emotions within people they often aren’t even aware of themselves, then question my intuition when they react defensively. I’ll always remember my mother’s wisdom, however. You can only meet people where they’re at. Most people are not bad or evil, they’re just full of issues.
I’ve started to learn how to withdraw when I’ve hit a nerve, but to realize when I’ve done so, to learn what someone’s limit of authenticity is. I’ve also learned to not take it so personally when the mask comes back on. It’s just there to keep them feeling safe, not to deliberately hurt me. Because we are almost all fragile beings, deep-down, barring sociopaths.
Even those who are as open and honest as can be have their blind spots, so I’m learning how to navigate through those choppy waters without being pushy and overbearing. It’s not a perfect science, but it usually helps to learn a form of discretion catered to each individual.
I was born to be a healer, so the more that I heal myself and share my story, the more I hope to encourage others to find healing for themselves.